Down the Cancer Road - by me...

Down The Cancer Road?

It is a road where I have not been to.
It is a road where I have to walk alone.
There are no road signs, just forks and potholes.
I have to be a bit careful where I step, the potholes and forks can be dangerous, I suppose.

Of course, many have gone on this road before.
I see them every time I go to the hospital.
Many are in worst shape than I am
I wonder if I will become that way too, eventually

I know it is terrible to say this.
But I feel comforted when I see them (in worst shape),
maybe because they have more advanced cancer or worst cancer (if there was such a thing)
I feel better because I am not in that position and I feel lucky ( can you believe it!)
Maybe I will get into the same shape soon, but then maybe not.

It is a road that is pretty dark and lonely
because I walk there alone
I see my wife, my old friends, my new friends and kind people I just met by the side of the road
Cheering me on, giving me the support, encouraging me and telling me that "It will all be alright"

Then I feel better.
I know I can beat this.
I have done all the research and the prognosis is good.
But still the fear and uncertainty of what lies ahead scares me a bit, well maybe more that I like to acknowledge.

Initially, it was tough when you hear the news for the first time.
There was so many things to think about and do, and no time do them.
Family, money, job, doctor's appointment, hospital stay, test and waiting for test results.
I felt like a zombie, just going through the motion.

Then there was information overload.
What to do, What not to do, What to eat and What not to eat.
Finally things settled down after sorting all that information.
And things don't look so bad.

I just have to keep walking down this road.
There is really no other choice, anyway.
I don't really knowing what lies ahead.
Only the hope and faith that the road will lead me to a brighter, better  place than this one I am on.
I have my wife, my family and plenty of good friends walking by the side of the road with me.

I hope they will continue and are able to do so
until finally, I can get off this wretched road and join them
It is them that is making my walk on this road bearable, and hopeful
for that, I truly thank them.

You know it is really funny.
It takes this 'cancer' to make me finally realised that each one of us has a path in life that we have to walk ourselves ( and therefore alone)
No one can replace us. I cannot walk my wife's path for her and neither can she take mine.
The decisions we make and take regardless of how small or insignificant now, determines what is store for us in the future.
Only thing we can do for each other is to provide the companionship, friendship, knowledge and whatever help to 'enrich' the path we take in each of our lives.

Perhaps, this is the lesson I was supposed to take away from this journey. It is truly humbling.

(wrote this when I was going thru initial stages of Chemo)