What is the role of the support group?

"I feel I am the luckiest person in the world. Not only did I had so much support from people I knew very well but also from people I hardly knew. my neighbour cooked for me. My cousins send home cooked food on daily basis. I even had strangers who had gone through cancer treatment coming over to my house and providing me advice. I went online, joined a forum and the help from the forum was immeasurable. I had friends from all over the world - from Canada to Australia, keeping my spirits up to fight the onslaught of chemo and Cancer. I had a whole church offering prayers every Sunday for me. I had even a Reiki network group sending me 'energy'."

I can't imagine someone fighting cancer alone. It is extremely tough. I think I would not have survive the entire chemo protocol if I didn't have the encouragement from the support group.

The support can come from immediate family member, close friends or in my case my neighbours as well.

What is the support group's role

Sometimes it is difficult for someone who wants to support a cancer victim but do not know what to do. Here are some tips:

General Guidelines

• The support group main objective is just to be there. 
• It is more important to just listen to what the cancer victim wants to say and share.

• The support group is not just supporting the cancer victim but also the primary care giver. 
• One can offer to do some chores for the primary care giver, thus giving the primary care giver a break.
• One can also replace the primary care giver in attending or watching over the cancer victim

"I have such a friend to relieve my wife sometimes when my wife needed to go to work or attend to other family obligations" 

 Support Visits

• A very important point is to know when to visit. Always check with the primary care giver first, never the cancer victim. It is difficult for the cancer victim to say "No" to a visit, however, it is easier for the primary care giver to give you the true situation.
• During visit, never visit more than required. Remember it is very tiring for the cancer victim to entertain people for more than half an hour at a time unless with the victim's request.
• Towards the end of the visit, offer to clean up. Take to load of cleaning up from the primary care giver or the cancer victim.
• During visit, bring something simple and practical that the cancer victim can use.
• Bring something that can help the cancer victim because if also relieves expenses e.g. fruits, vegetables and other food stuffs. Ask the primary care giver.
• Cooked food are also fine but always plan this in advanced with the primary care giver. Tell them what you are bringing over and check if the cancer victim can consume those things you are bringing. 
• Books and reading materials
• Movies and audio materials are fine too if the cancer victim is into movies and songs. Again best to check with the primary care giver.
• Visit consistently but not too frequently unless you are very close to the cancer victim. Give the cancer victim ample time to rest. Remember entertaining guest can be taxing to the cancer victim and primary care giver.

Communications

• At times it is sufficient to just send a text message just to ask about the victim's health. Please do not ask about anything else. The primary reason you are texting or calling must be about the cancer victim's health and nothing more than that. The main focus must be the cancer victim.
• Offer a prayer.
• Make sure your text is more than just one short sentence. Never text like "how are you?" and nothing more. It will feel like you have text prepared in your phone. Make the text a bit long. Again, offer a prayer is always good.
• Do not ask too many questions either. Your questions should be able to answer in short sentence.
• Do not insist for a reply either. Give some time for the cancer victim to reply because the cancer victim may not be in the mood to reply immediately. However, it is to the primary care giver then a long delay would warrant a call to just check if everything is alright.
• Do not blast emails either. Short emails are best and again give the cancer victim time to reply. Do not expect reply immediately.

For a support group to be truly have an impact on the cancer victim's and primary care giver is consistency of support throughout the cancer victim's treatment.

Know the cancer victim's treatment regime. Never forget them. It shows that you care enough even to monitor the progress of the cancer victim's treatment.

Physical support are best, however, online support can be very effective as well. Cancer forums abound on the internet.

" I have found this forum very effective during my treatment. They have helped me tremendously. www.cancerforums.net "

Emotions

• Never say "I am sorry for your situation" It not only sounds corny but sounds so insincere. And what do you expect the reply to be? It seems like "I am sorry for you but lucky it is not me". The best way just to ask "How are you feeling today?" This shows you care about the cancer victim.
• Avoid major tears flowing scenarios, at least not in front of the cancer victim. 
• The cancer victim state of mind could be at the lowest. Always be positive and say only positive things with the cancer victim. The idea is to make the cancer victims become positive.