The Primary Care Giver...the next most important person.

Words can't express how significant this person is to a person who is undergoing cancer treatment.

Of course, there are people (and I know of one) who went through chemo alone. These people have so strong will and belief that they can drive to hospital, undergo the treatment and then drive back home. They then have to figure their food and perform household chores, and some even go to work. These are super humans. I am not one of those.

My chemo took a lot out of me. Towards the end, I could not even sit in a car to get home before I vomit. I am fortunate that I have a loving wife and she is my primary care giver.

A primary care giver can be a spouse, sister, brother or a friend. The primary care giver role is not just performing support duties like accompanying to hospital, prepare food but also provide encouragement during bad times. The key word is encouragement even if the situation looks pretty bleak. I find this encouragement the most important aspect of the role of the primary care giver once the physical needs are taken care of.

Sometimes the cancer person can be very demanding and often can be a irritant to everyone including the person closest. And the primary care giver should refrain from getting angry and challenge the person. The most important objective to do during difficult situation is to try to diffuse and alleviate the situation instead. Accept and acknowledge the situation. Fight another day. Understand that the cancer person is undergoing tremendous stress, pain and may not be himself/herself. The cancer person needs a supporting ear to share the pain from a difficult situation. Keep on encouraging and if faith is strong, go into prayer to divert the situation.

The primary care giver sometimes have to be a superhuman person since they have not just perform physical duties and care giving duties but also have to be emotionally strong for both of them.

For me, I have a wonderful wife. Her name is Prema. She is my angel. Without her, I would not be able to go through chemotherapy. She is the best primary care giver I could ever ask for. On top of taking care of me, she had to nurse her own ailment and hold down a job to bring in the money to sustain the family. The burden of our family fell directly all on her shoulders while I try to withstand the onslaught of chemotherapy. I couldn't help her or the family in any way. We were hit on all four aspects (physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually) of me suffering from cancer. In additional she was my counselor. She perks me up all the time and encourages me throughout chemo and, shared my pain and suffering. She made sure I also had the right sustenance to build up my strength, ready to go on to the next chemo session. I am very fortunate that I have a caring and loving wife to help me through.

Even now, I remember the scene everyday for eight long months. When I come down the stairs, she would greet me with a wonderful smile and it never fails to cheer me up for the rest of the day. When I am down, she would say to me "I am sad that you have this cancer, but you know what, we can beat this. We take it one day at a time, one hour at a time". Her words are so comforting and she basically told me to take it 'one step at a time'.

It is so important for the primary care giver to be upbeat even though the situation does not seem so. The goal is to bring in positive thoughts and provide encouragement to the victim to fight on.