After a Traumatic Experience, your perspective in life change... I am

Not the only one. Here is one lady who had a brain tumour and she expresses that same thing I went through.

My journey about GOD

Cancer is the disease I dreaded the most. I have seen relatives and friends suffer from cancer and cancer's treatment (conventional), and how it has taken their life. I was so afraid of it that I changed to a healthy lifestyle. For many years, I exercised regularly and had moderated eating habits. I ran or hiked daily. I also careful of what I ate but was not too fanatical. I do not drink or smoke. So I thought if did all these, I will be able to keep cancer at bay.

So you can understand how I felt when the doctor told me "You have cancer". And not just that, after a series of test, the doctors came back and said "You have stage 3 cancer". My whole world just collapse in front of my eyes. It took awhile for me to accept that I had cancer and it took me awhile to stop asking "Why me?" question. It took a whole mindset change to put myself on the road to healing.

I started to question the purpose of life too. If life was all about working hard and then let cancer take it away, then life is really not worth it. I questioned "So, why am I here then?" I had a lot of question but no answers. My mind was so negative that I almost fell into depression. I started to look for answers. I read Christian books and Buddhist books but none had a satisfactory answer for me. Several pastors and friends with religious background tried to help me but their answers were also not relevant. I was fighting cancer and these burning questions. I even thought that if I accepted Christianity that my cancer and the treatment will become easier to handle. Nothing of that sort happened. So from that perspective, religion disappointed me. I then realised that I was the only one who could help my situation. How I reacted to the cancer and the chemo was the only way my situation was going to improve. I started to look for ways to alleviate the suffering of the Chemo and it worked! I finally realised that I was in charge of my life. How I reacted to the effects and what I was going to do was going to determine the severity of the situation.

When I took that approach, things started to become better. I found I could handle the situation much better. In fact, more positive things started to happen. Whenever, I was felt miserable, someone or something will come to perk me up and things become a bit better to handle. From the beginning, I knew that I needed to learn QiGong properly to help myself and a proper class opened up near my home. I started positive distractions in my life and focus on things that help in my healing. The after effects of chemo did became progressively worst but I was able to cope. Towards the end, although it became unbearable but I could still will myself to persist and believed that "I will be healed"

However, those burning questions were still in my mind but they were not as important anymore until my final CT Scan result came back. The result were not very encouraging. I was again thrown into a defeating mind tunnel. I couldn't take anymore Chemo (in fact, the doctors told me that I may need salvage Chemo - a Chemo many times worst than the one I went through). However, the doctors ordered a PET scan to confirm their suspicion. I wanted another way out. I need to look for alternative solution. I researched about salvage Chemo and looking at the success rate, I already made up my mind that I was not going to do anymore Chemo regardless of the PET results.

Those burning question started all over again and a friend of mine sent me a book called "The Shack". This is not a true story book but a story which helped me answer some of the burning questions. I realized that I was not alone in the journey all along. So many positive things did happen to me during the Chemo journey and I had often wondered if those were just coincidences. It seemed like someone or something was watching and guiding the entire process. I am generally a pessimistic person and for me to realized that positive attitude was the way to go was really a major breakthrough. With the help of the book, I finally believed that there is a higher 'thing'  guiding us in our lives. 

So on one Sunday, I decided to follow my wife to church. My PET scan was going to happen on the following Tuesday. I went to the back of the church and started praying. While songs were being sung, all of sudden, the whole church become quiet and a warm feeling fell over me. The feeling told me that I was going to be alright and a peace swept over me. I felt like a huge burden was lifted. Mentally, I became more quiet and less anxious. I went to PET scan with a little more confidence but was still worried. I continued to pray for complete healing everyday and asked for GOD 's protection and guidance.

The few weeks waiting for the results was torturous but with renewed calmness, I handled the duration well and I trusted GOD to handle the outcome. The PET scan results finally arrived and the words were a miracle - "No scan evidence of lymphoma".

I am still learning about GOD. I don't have all the answers but somehow I think the answers do lie with the understanding of GOD. I have chosen Christianity to be my path to understanding about GOD and life. And do hope that I find those answers. Although, The Shack (Special Hardcover Edition) is a fictional book but it has help me understand GOD. I have derived peace from understanding GOD.

How does cancer develop?

I am going to use simple explanation what I know about how cancer comes about. I am not a medical expert or a scientist. There are a number of versions but these are the ones that made sense to me.

However, if you ask a conventional doctor why do people get cancer? The typical answer will be "Nobody really knows". I find this odd because it is like they took a sacred oath that they cannot reveal the how cancer happens. But maybe it is as simple as that they cannot tell you what they believe to be the cause because there is no scientific proof of it. Anyway, it is alright because the Net provides lots of possible answers. Just believe what you make sense to you. Some of these do make sense to me.
 
The general consensus is this. Cancer cells are actually normal body cells that have gone havoc. Something in them has gone wrong in cell genetics and the rogue cells start to replicate uncontrollably to the extend it hinders proper function of that body part.  Cells are constantly being created and die. It is the body’s normal mode of operation. Sometimes new cells have a defect in them. In a normal person, the cells will automatically die off. If that doesn’t happen, the body’s immune system will go after the defective cells and kill them. The problem starts when the immune system is compromised and cannot go after the defective cells. If these defective cells start to replicate themselves ferociously, it then is called cancerous. These defective cells can travel to other parts of the body and repeat the process. This ability to replicate rapidly and travel in the body makes cancer one of mankind’s dreaded disease. Here is a video showing how cancer moves.







Another explanation is called angiogenesis. Cells replicate because they are supplied with nutrients. Nutrients are delivered via blood capillaries. Think about when you have a cut, in matter of hours the wound dries up and the wound starts to heal by itself without any medication. When the body detects a wound, capillaries are extended to the wound area to supply more nutrients to the area. Cells start to build up more rapidly surrounding the wound area and magically, the wound heals. Once the wound heals, the capillaries retracts to normal level and supply the area with normal amount of nutrients, thus maintaining normal growth. Sometimes in some parts of the body, these capillaries go wrong and continue to supply more nutrients to the specific area. Cells start build up at a rapid pace without slowing down. The overgrowth becomes a problem and interferes with normal function of the body.  There a video which explain this.

Age, genetics and environment influences angiogenesis to creation of defective cells. As you age, more defective cells are created. You may also have inherited ‘not-so-fantastic’ genes which can increase the defective cell production. Age and genetics are things we cannot control. However, environment factors are things we can control. So what are environmental factors?

Environmental factors
•    Food and drinks we take
•    Lifestyle – smoking,  body rest and relaxation, STRESS management
•    Exposure – living in unhealthy environments, etc.


These are things we can control. In the following chapters, I will discuss these topics in more detail.

How to survive chemotherapy (radiotherapy, surgery) - the conventional treatment

Like most of us, I listened to doctor's advice and the only treatment I was left with was chemotherapy. Surgery and radiotherapy was not an option for me. Although, if I had that option, I would have opted for them. However, I didn't. Mine was at least 12 times of chemotherapy fortnightly which means I need at least 6 months to complete the treatment.

I went into chemotherapy blindly. I really didn't think too much about it and jump straight into it without much advice from other people or do any detailed research. Most website do not tell you how bad it can be or how to cope with chemotherapy.

I understand from the doctors, some chemo medication can be very bad on the person. Apparently, I was told that the effects of my type of chemo medicine will be mediocre. So, I should do well to withstand it considering my age and physical shape. I do consider myself physically strong. I do exercise at least 6 times a week. My usual is a 7 to 10km jog and on weekends I do 2-3 hour hikes. But, because I was physically strong, I believe it has helped me to recover relatively fast from the onslaught of Chemo.

But let say this, Chemo's side effects is bad and I would not want to go through it again. It is not just the immediate side effects but also the long term effects of the chemo treatment. I am not persuading anyone from not going through chemo as treatment. The choice of treatment is a personal one.

Anyway, I have gone through Chemo and I like to share how I did it with my type of chemo. Perhaps I should also say a bit about my situation.

I have a chemo port put into my body. Let me say that if you can afford it and it is available to you, do put in a chemo port. It saves you the additional pain from going through the arm veins. Also, it helps to preserve the veins in the arms. With the chemo port, I didn't feel much pain when administering the chemo medicine. You can check the web about the chemo port. My chemo treatment was ABVD to treat Hodgkin's Disease.

During Chemo Day.

Before Chemo, I was advised to eat a hearty meal and then have about 1hr or 2hrs rest before doing the Chemo. The reason being is after the Chemo, your appetite goes to zero and if you are like me, it can be days before I can eat anything solid. So this is good advice.

During Chemo.

In the early Chemo session, I never had any problems during Chemo but the later stages of the Chemo, I would vomit several times during Chemo. I had tried not to eat during Chemo but I was still vomiting out my gut juices and it feels terrible. I figured I had to eat something and I know it will all come out but at least it was food coming out and not awful gut juices.

Normally, I would have bananas or papayas as solid food. I drink ice-cold water and a hot drink. The water flushes out the toxins almost immediately. I keep drinking about 2 liters of water every day and during Chemo, I would easily drink at least 1 liter of water. Throughout the day, I would continue to drink ice-cold water.

Water is the best to flush out the chemo toxins. I didn't always drink water while going through Chemo. My nails turned black. When I started on 2 liters of water everyday, the pink color return to my nails. Look at the tips of the nails, it is black in colour, then look at the base of the nail, it started to return to pink in colour.

So make sure you drink lots of water. Some people may find water difficult to drink ( I know, at one point I could not drink water) so I had coconut water as alternative. About a week after Chemo day, I would drink some isotonic drink. I remove the carbonation by putting in a little salt. It helps to replenish salts in the body.

I suffered a lot during the Chemo session. Towards the end, I was vomiting 6 to 7 times during Chemo day. It tapered off to once a day on third day after Chemo day. I would be on liquid food for about 2 to 3 days after Chemo. Soy bean drink had become my staple food. Soy drink and Soy pudding were considered my 'saviour' food.  

You have to figure out what you can take during Chemo. The idea is to avoid your normally favourite food because if it turns you off during chemo, it will turn you off that favourite food for a long time. For me, I do not take Soy anymore because it reminds me of Chemo days. Spaghetti with tomatoes puree and tomatoes were my 'safe' food during Chemo. Now I avoid Spaghetti. I find that during Chemo, simple food are best. Less spiced dishes and less oil dishes are best. Clear noodle soup (without all the additives) are best. It may taste bland but at least you can eat and keep the food down.

As the days go by, your physical body will recover and you will find you can take more variety of food. Just go easy and take it slowly. Again, it avoid 'complex' meals - those with a lot of spices. One advice given to me "Eat what you can". You will get a lot of advice what to eat and what not to eat. Doctors will say you can eat anything but my 'take' on is that it is better to avoid certain foods during your treatment.

One advice from the hospital was to avoid raw foods. I realised why they say that. It is not that raw food is not good, if fact on the contrary. It is because if you do not wash them properly, there may be bacteria which your body may not be able to 'fight' off. Once you do Chemo, your white-blood cells becomes compromised and may not be able to ward off infections. So, if you want to eat raw food, make sure they are properly washed. It is best to peel off the skins.

Tip: To wash vegetables and fruits. Soak them in water and put a teaspoon of vinegar for about 30mins. If possible, peel the skins of vegetables and fruits. I use apple cider (vinegar) to clean the veges and fruits.

I start to take juices (carrots, cucumber, apples and beetroot mix) on the 4th day after chemo. I take this juice everyday until the next chemo. I was told that Beetroot is good for the blood. My recipe for the juice.

3 carrots peeled 1 cucumber peeled
1 beetroot peeled
1 green apple peeled

put into a juicer and then drink it immediately. To make the juice cooler, put the fresh ingredients in the fridge for about 1 hour. You can add other things like celery too but make sure you clean the celery well.

I also avoid red meat (mutton, lamp, beef and pork). I have also reduce my intact of poultry. I am 'almost' vegetarian diet, however, I do take the occasional fish. Why meats are off my diet? The reason - hormones. Well, most meat available today are fed with hormones and when you have cancer cells activated, you do not want to feed them with these growth hormones (Other people may dispute with me on this, but this is my body and this is my belief).

There is also a theory about diary products. Same reason. However, I do consume diary-based yogurt. I have reduced milk and milk based product. I suppose you can opt for soy-based yogurt. And I take a lot of yogurt. Yogurt contains good bacteria to help heal the stomach. This is important to do.

Most important - avoid refined sugar

Sugar is cancer food especially refine sugar. Sucrose (fruit sugar) are fine. Organic raw sugar is acceptable but try to reduce sugar intact. Just remember, if you can starve the cancer cells, they have no chance of spreading or get activated.

Watch out for infection. 

Avoid getting any infection during Chemo treatment. Any small infection like flu or fever means you have to go to the hospital immediately. It can develop into a more serious problem if untreated.

So how to avoid infection?

• Stay at home, avoid going to where there are crowds.
• Minimise visitors. Make sure that visitors do not have any infection however small. Even a sore throat should be avoided.
• Food must be clean. Cooked food are best. Raw food must be thoroughly clean. Avoid skins of veges and fruits.
• Wear a mask if you have to go out.

Keep a thermometer handy. Take your body temperate regularly. Keep a track on your normal body temperature as a benchmark. Your body temperature should not stay above 38.5 degree celcius for too long. If you find you are feel hot inside and uncomfortable, go to the hospital immediately and get yourself admitted. Fever can indicate a more serious development. Don't take the risk.

Parsley water as a system cleansing

You remember I said water is your best weapon to get rid of chemo toxins in your body? Well, Chemo toxins are bad for kidneys and liver. Before any your next chemo session, the doctors will take a blood test. From what I know, they are looking at

1. White blood count
2. Kidney function
3. Liver function

(I am sure they are looking at other things too but I was told that they are particularly interested in these three). Chemo basically kills off the white blood cells and if it is too low, your body may not be able to ward off infections, which is bad news for Chemo patients. For low white blood count, they can give boaster shots which will increase white blood count.

It is harder to ensure kidneys and liver health. Kidneys and liver are bombarded with Chemo toxins and they can fail.

Well, one way to make sure that your kidneys and liver are cleanse regularly is to drink parsley water. (I have seen one of the marker reading for my kidney go down, when I regularly take parsley water, so I know it works).

Plug a few stalks of parsley and put in about a liter of water. Bring it to boil and then simmer for a few more minutes. Then drink the water. I like the parsley water cold. So I put them in the fridge.

Combining alternative treatment with conventional treatment

If you are doing chemotherapy or radiotherapy, it is best to avoid alternative treatments especially Chinese herbs and Indian ayurvedic herbs. The reason being is that some of these herbs may have ingredients that interfere with the chemo medicine. However, after you have completed the treatments, you can start on those. In fact, I recommend those after chemo treatment.

I have come across some people find relief from side-effects of chemo from acupuncture. I believe this does not deal with any herbs so it should be alright. I have tried acupuncture before but not for Chemo treatment.

One of the best things I did was to learn QiGong. Qi Gong exercises are highly recommended if you can gather the energy to practice regularly. QiGong has helped me to withstand the onslaught of Chemo. I learned QiGong from a VCD which is not the best approach. If there is a class, try to join them and you can learn the right way. You can buy training VCDs on Amazon. There are many types of QiGong - Go for Healing QiGong or Zhineng QiGong.

Healing QiGong or Zhineng QiGong basically focuses on healing the body. It is not as rigorous in the movement so even the very sick can practice them. I will talk about QiGong in other chapters.










Or if you want to read about Zhineng QiGong first. The main thing is practice the movement. If you can find a center which teaches you Zhineng QiGong, that's the best approach. The classes should not be too expensive since the good ones are normally not-for-profit type organizations.

                                    

Belief and positive attitude

Now that you have decided your course of treatment, may it be conventional (Chemotherapy, Surgery or Radiotherapy), traditional or alternative, that's one major decision already made. You have to stick to the course you have chosen. You must believe that it will and is the best course of action for you. It must be your decision because it is your life and not anyone else.

So, what do you do next?
As I have said, you must believe that the path you have chosen will heal you. I can't emphasize enough about the power of belief. Having a strong belief will create a positive atmosphere which will impact on your healing progress. Look at it another way. A negative atmosphere will only create a rotten environment where you make yourself intolerable to yourself and others. In fact, a negative attitude has been proven to negate treatments and conversely, a positive attitude can significantly enhanced the effectiveness of treatment. Especially in Cancer, having a positive attitude is 50% of the battle.

Actually, when I was going through Chemo, it really didn't occur to me about having a positive attitude. Looking back, during my entire treatment I did have a positive attitude. I didn't complain very much. Initially, I did have doubts and often have the "Why me?" question, and I almost went into depression but majority of the time after I had realised that having negative thoughts and going depression was just going to make things worst, I got out of it. Of course, I had a lot of help. My primary care giver (my wife) and my support group had a lot to do with my positive attitude throughout the treatment.

So how do you have a positive attitude?
1. Don't think about the problem! Let's look at the problem logically. You really can't change it. You can't wish it away. You can't reverse the situation. Only way is going forward. So, we might as well look forward.

2. Have positive distractions. Plan out mini projects to distract your attention away from the situation. Your mind cannot focus on two things at any one time. So, if you have positive distractions, you will not think of the problem you have.

I started a farm (as I like to call it), planting tomatoes, ocra and spinach. I dug up patches of my garden.

It is quite refreshing to see something grow. I did not have a single produce but it didn't matter. It was a distraction and it gave me something to look forward to everyday. I also started a blog, which was extremely helpful to monitor my thoughts. I focus on discussing positive things. My support group never fails to visit me every week and our focus was always about food. I also started to learn Zhineng QiGong from a VCD. I watch lots of movies and I got plenty of rest.

3. Focus on small steps. Focus on getting through each hour, each day rather than focusing on how long things will take. Take one small step at a time. Keep looking for short term events which makes you happy. It may be looking forward to watching a movie tonight. It may be looking forward to a support group visit this weekend.

I noticed that I took each small steps every day and eventually, everything came into place for me. I believe the "law of attraction" had something to do with a lot of positive things that happened in my journey with Chemotherapy. Somehow in "Believe and Positive Attitude", your mind will look for the best things that happened in your life. You are not so stress out with the little irritating things.

4. Simplify your life and forget non-essential things. Your primary care giver really becomes very important here. A lot non-essential daily task you used to do have to be taken off your responsibility. Do the things that focuses your life in getting well.

I have a extremely caring primary care giver. I am absolutely convinced that a significant part of my healing is due to my wife - the primary care giver. She took over all the unnecessary task. E.g we used to do a major cleanup our house weekly. We hired a part-time helper to come in fortnightly to take over from us. Our grocery shopping was done by a friend for us. Minor repairs in the house was put on hold if they can be tolerate. Those major ones, we paid someone to do it.

The idea is to make everything you do to focus on healing and getting better.

So you have cancer.. now what?

"Be positive. Your correct mindset is 50% of the battle." Everyone knows this.

This is easier said than done. Hopefully, what I will say here will in some ways help you come to terms with cancer.

It is easy to say that "You have to have a positive mindset". It is definitely easier to dish out this statement than to actually belief and internalize the statement. However, believe me when I say they are right. It is very important aspect in order to beat cancer. Yes, all these people are correct. You have to figure a way to 'internalised' this statement. And I will share with you a few methods.

Face up to it 1:
You have cancer. There is nothing you can do about it. It is there. Of course you can have a second opinion and by all means do that. But if it is confirmed that you have cancer - you will have to face up to it.

" I am no super human. When I was told that I had cancer, my whole life just flashed before my eyes. My mind was on overdrive, thinking about those things I have not done for the family. When everything settled, I cried. I was hurt, I was disappointed. The thing I dread most and I have it. Then the 'why me' question started. I have led a healthy lifestyle - no smoking, no drinking, exercise everyday, ample sleep so why did I get this dreaded disease?"

Then I realized that I was not going to get any answers to my question regardless of how much ranting I did. 

Face up to it 2:
The most important thing to know is not that you have cancer but what you are going to do about it? This is extremely important answer.

" When I moved into this phase, I thought doctors knew best. The conventional treatment was surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I have seen my mother go through surgery and radiotherapy but I could not say I know how it felt then.

I didn't know any better then and I thought the doctors knew best. But after going through chemo treatment myself, I do know now. To say it is tough going is an understatement. During chemo, I often thought to myself there must be a better treatment than this. After all billions that have been poured into looking for cancer treatment and is this all medical science can give? That's when I started to look for information on cancer treatment."

I am not advicing you not to do the conventional treatment. It is an individual decision. What I am saying is just do more research first. Doctors are bound by some kind of oath to only prescribe 'proven' treatments. Just remember, it is your life not the doctors. You have the final decision to take charge of your own life - they way you want to live it.

Once you have decided on a course of treatment, stick with it.

Belief... belief... belief....

Belief that the choice of treatment you take will cure you. Let me tell you this - belief is going to make all the difference. This plays such an important role in your fight with cancer. With this belief, you arm yourself with one more powerful weapon against cancer - self healing. Do not underestimate the power of self-healing. I will discuss this topic in a separate section.

Noting else matters

Once you begin treatment, nothing else matters in your life except to beat the cancer. Put your mind, heart and soul into this one thought "I am going to beat this cancer" every day, every waking minute.

Your other family members does not matter. Your job does not matter. Your physical appearance does not matter. Nothing else matters but beating this cancer.

Make this sole goal such a focused effort that it consumes you totally. Do what you belief will help you this single goal. I will share with you methods which you can use to achieve this in later sections.

Think of positive things only. Cast away negative thoughts on anything. Don't think about the cancer. No two thoughts can occupy your mind at the same time. So if you feel like you are thinking about your cancer, just do something else.

For me, I kept a couple of things to divert my attention. I started to plant vegetables in a small plot. It is really a distraction to watch things grow. I also started a blog to keep myself busy, check it out at http://downthecancerroad.blogspot.com . Starting a blog is easy. I also like to doodle and I bought a pen tablet and started drawing ugly things.

So, do something to distract yourself. Watch movies. Read a uplifting books. Read comics (this really help me a lot). There are many things you can do to distract yourself from constantly thinking about your cancer.

You may have chosen, like I have, to go with conventional treatment. I completed 12 rounds chemotherapy. So how do you cope with chemotherapy? This will be covered in the next chapter.

What is the role of the support group?

"I feel I am the luckiest person in the world. Not only did I had so much support from people I knew very well but also from people I hardly knew. my neighbour cooked for me. My cousins send home cooked food on daily basis. I even had strangers who had gone through cancer treatment coming over to my house and providing me advice. I went online, joined a forum and the help from the forum was immeasurable. I had friends from all over the world - from Canada to Australia, keeping my spirits up to fight the onslaught of chemo and Cancer. I had a whole church offering prayers every Sunday for me. I had even a Reiki network group sending me 'energy'."

I can't imagine someone fighting cancer alone. It is extremely tough. I think I would not have survive the entire chemo protocol if I didn't have the encouragement from the support group.

The support can come from immediate family member, close friends or in my case my neighbours as well.

What is the support group's role

Sometimes it is difficult for someone who wants to support a cancer victim but do not know what to do. Here are some tips:

General Guidelines

• The support group main objective is just to be there. 
• It is more important to just listen to what the cancer victim wants to say and share.

• The support group is not just supporting the cancer victim but also the primary care giver. 
• One can offer to do some chores for the primary care giver, thus giving the primary care giver a break.
• One can also replace the primary care giver in attending or watching over the cancer victim

"I have such a friend to relieve my wife sometimes when my wife needed to go to work or attend to other family obligations" 

 Support Visits

• A very important point is to know when to visit. Always check with the primary care giver first, never the cancer victim. It is difficult for the cancer victim to say "No" to a visit, however, it is easier for the primary care giver to give you the true situation.
• During visit, never visit more than required. Remember it is very tiring for the cancer victim to entertain people for more than half an hour at a time unless with the victim's request.
• Towards the end of the visit, offer to clean up. Take to load of cleaning up from the primary care giver or the cancer victim.
• During visit, bring something simple and practical that the cancer victim can use.
• Bring something that can help the cancer victim because if also relieves expenses e.g. fruits, vegetables and other food stuffs. Ask the primary care giver.
• Cooked food are also fine but always plan this in advanced with the primary care giver. Tell them what you are bringing over and check if the cancer victim can consume those things you are bringing. 
• Books and reading materials
• Movies and audio materials are fine too if the cancer victim is into movies and songs. Again best to check with the primary care giver.
• Visit consistently but not too frequently unless you are very close to the cancer victim. Give the cancer victim ample time to rest. Remember entertaining guest can be taxing to the cancer victim and primary care giver.

Communications

• At times it is sufficient to just send a text message just to ask about the victim's health. Please do not ask about anything else. The primary reason you are texting or calling must be about the cancer victim's health and nothing more than that. The main focus must be the cancer victim.
• Offer a prayer.
• Make sure your text is more than just one short sentence. Never text like "how are you?" and nothing more. It will feel like you have text prepared in your phone. Make the text a bit long. Again, offer a prayer is always good.
• Do not ask too many questions either. Your questions should be able to answer in short sentence.
• Do not insist for a reply either. Give some time for the cancer victim to reply because the cancer victim may not be in the mood to reply immediately. However, it is to the primary care giver then a long delay would warrant a call to just check if everything is alright.
• Do not blast emails either. Short emails are best and again give the cancer victim time to reply. Do not expect reply immediately.

For a support group to be truly have an impact on the cancer victim's and primary care giver is consistency of support throughout the cancer victim's treatment.

Know the cancer victim's treatment regime. Never forget them. It shows that you care enough even to monitor the progress of the cancer victim's treatment.

Physical support are best, however, online support can be very effective as well. Cancer forums abound on the internet.

" I have found this forum very effective during my treatment. They have helped me tremendously. www.cancerforums.net "

Emotions

• Never say "I am sorry for your situation" It not only sounds corny but sounds so insincere. And what do you expect the reply to be? It seems like "I am sorry for you but lucky it is not me". The best way just to ask "How are you feeling today?" This shows you care about the cancer victim.
• Avoid major tears flowing scenarios, at least not in front of the cancer victim. 
• The cancer victim state of mind could be at the lowest. Always be positive and say only positive things with the cancer victim. The idea is to make the cancer victims become positive.

There is HOPE - a short message

I have decided to write in my own handwriting and really want to share with you this message of hope and faith. There is a way to beat cancer at its game. I am not promising guarantees but I will hope to give you enough knowledge to know that you can beat the cancer. I did not beat my cancer alone, I had a lot of help and I want to tell you how. Hopefully, with information you gather here, you too can beat or help someone to beat cancer.

Thanks for visiting and I do sincerely hope you will find information here useful.

TH Ong

The Primary Care Giver...the next most important person.

Words can't express how significant this person is to a person who is undergoing cancer treatment.

Of course, there are people (and I know of one) who went through chemo alone. These people have so strong will and belief that they can drive to hospital, undergo the treatment and then drive back home. They then have to figure their food and perform household chores, and some even go to work. These are super humans. I am not one of those.

My chemo took a lot out of me. Towards the end, I could not even sit in a car to get home before I vomit. I am fortunate that I have a loving wife and she is my primary care giver.

A primary care giver can be a spouse, sister, brother or a friend. The primary care giver role is not just performing support duties like accompanying to hospital, prepare food but also provide encouragement during bad times. The key word is encouragement even if the situation looks pretty bleak. I find this encouragement the most important aspect of the role of the primary care giver once the physical needs are taken care of.

Sometimes the cancer person can be very demanding and often can be a irritant to everyone including the person closest. And the primary care giver should refrain from getting angry and challenge the person. The most important objective to do during difficult situation is to try to diffuse and alleviate the situation instead. Accept and acknowledge the situation. Fight another day. Understand that the cancer person is undergoing tremendous stress, pain and may not be himself/herself. The cancer person needs a supporting ear to share the pain from a difficult situation. Keep on encouraging and if faith is strong, go into prayer to divert the situation.

The primary care giver sometimes have to be a superhuman person since they have not just perform physical duties and care giving duties but also have to be emotionally strong for both of them.

For me, I have a wonderful wife. Her name is Prema. She is my angel. Without her, I would not be able to go through chemotherapy. She is the best primary care giver I could ever ask for. On top of taking care of me, she had to nurse her own ailment and hold down a job to bring in the money to sustain the family. The burden of our family fell directly all on her shoulders while I try to withstand the onslaught of chemotherapy. I couldn't help her or the family in any way. We were hit on all four aspects (physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually) of me suffering from cancer. In additional she was my counselor. She perks me up all the time and encourages me throughout chemo and, shared my pain and suffering. She made sure I also had the right sustenance to build up my strength, ready to go on to the next chemo session. I am very fortunate that I have a caring and loving wife to help me through.

Even now, I remember the scene everyday for eight long months. When I come down the stairs, she would greet me with a wonderful smile and it never fails to cheer me up for the rest of the day. When I am down, she would say to me "I am sad that you have this cancer, but you know what, we can beat this. We take it one day at a time, one hour at a time". Her words are so comforting and she basically told me to take it 'one step at a time'.

It is so important for the primary care giver to be upbeat even though the situation does not seem so. The goal is to bring in positive thoughts and provide encouragement to the victim to fight on.

What causes cancer?

Depending on who you ask. If you ask conventional doctors their likely response to you with something like "We really don't know how cancer comes about?", even if they have some inkling of what causes cancer, it seems like they are sworn by some sacred oath that they can't really tell you. Can't really blame them, though. Most doctors, if you do not know them well, would not tell you much because they can only tell you information that has already been proven scientifically.

Maybe they are right - no one actually knows. When I was going through chemo treatment, I have seen kids as young as 10+ coming for chemo treatment. Nurses at the hospital also told me that babies get cancer as well.

Anyway, I will not debate the causes of cancer but I will tell you what I know. My information is gathered from research sources, my close doctor friends and from my readings. Some of these material may not be scientifically proven (and since the medical community cannot offer a better explanation), some explanation is better than none.

As I have covered my previous chapter 4:  how does cancer develop?,  there are three factors which influences the development of cancer namely 1) age, 2) genetics and 3) lifestyle. Age and genetics are things we cannot control, however we can do something about lifestyle. The older we are or if we have family members who had suffered from cancer before, then it is even more important to adopt a lifestyle which prevents cancer from developing in the first place.

From the chapter 4, we at least know how cancer develops,  so what causes cancer in the first place? From my research, I have summarized them into three conditions.

1) Compromised immune system. Our immune system is such a powerful body function that it is able to detect external infiltrations like bacteria and viruses, and also damaged cells in the body and kill them off. When the immune system is damage or compromised in some ways, it is unable to 'correct' the bad situation.

2) Body PH level. 
Especially cancer, it thrives in an acidic body environment. Lowering and even making the body alkaline will prevent any cancer cells from developing.

However, there is another concept of having a balance PH in the body to prevent cancer. Making PH alkaline or acidic will promote cancer cells. So if you accept this idea, the objective is to make the body's PH balance.

So we have to make sure that our immune system is in top form by making our body a bit alkaline or balanced.

3) Lower level of oxygen in cell level.
There is also this theory that cancer cells cannot grow in an oxygenated body. I believe there is some truth to this. I have always believe that any growth depends highly on the environment it is in.

Just watch nature and you can see tons of examples of how organic substances adapt and change to the environment. A lot of nature's work revolves around adaptation. Take from example a tree. If the ground is fertile and the tree has lots of sunlight and water, the tree will grow fast and lush. If any of the growth ingredients are lacking, the tree may still grow but not as lush. And if one of the ingredients is lacking, the tree may not even grow at all. Take another more interesting example - moss where they grow only in damp areas. Remove the dampness and we will kill away the moss.
 
Cells works the same way. So one way to kill off cancer cells is to understand what promotes cancer cell growth. And if we can deprive them of the ingredients that helps cancer cell grow, the cancer cells will die off just like the moss. The idea is to kill the cancer cells faster than they can replicate.

So what do we do next? I cover the 'How' topics above in Chapter 13: How to keep cancer away?

What does cancer do to a victim and family ?

"You have cancer" This words are very tragic to the victim and family members. Most of us understand that late-stage Cancer can be life threatening. The word feels like a death sentence. Why does Cancer do that? Perhaps it is because

• most often, it does not have any outward symptoms until it is too late,
• unlike other diseases, it is an attack from our own body cells. From what I was told cancer is mostly not caused by bacteria or viruses of infection and
• current conventional cancer treatment is less than desirable. It is a long haul treatment and can also be very expensive. The conventional treatment (surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy) are very invasive treatment. Victims undergoing these treatments suffer a lot during the treatments. The treatment after effects creates future illnesses. It is this point that makes cancer and conventional treatment such a dreaded disease.

So what happens to the victim and family member?


Cancer and more appropriately, conventional cancer treatments impacts on four fronts.

• Physically. Conventional cancer treatments makes the victim feel weak, in constant pain and destroys the body thus making even living a normal life difficult. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy destroys most of the body's good systems and require time for rejuvenate. 
• Financially. Current conventional cancer treatments are expensive. And because it is a long haul treatment, even with Government assistance, it can be expensive. On top of this, most victims will not be able to hold down a job during treatment. So this is a double blow. Victims have to pay treatment fees and cannot earn money. Treatments range from 4 months to 8 months. So victims are in for the long haul. Even after the treatments, victims may still not be able to work.
• Emotionally. It is a very emotional time during therapy. Chemotherapy can be fortnightly or every three weeks. By the time the body builds up enough strength, it will be time for another dose. Radiotherapy is normally a whole month affair, daily basis. The anticipation of what is to come can sometimes be unbearable. After effects of these treatments can even be worst than treatment day. Lots of 'self-awareness' questions like “Why me?”, “Is this all there is to life?”, “Is this it? Has my time come?”, “Why is there so much suffering in treatment”, “Does life all end up in suffering?” Other worries may also crop up especially when there are children involved. So it is a most emotional time for not just the victim but also immediate family members especially the primary care giver – a topic I will cover later.
• Spiritually. Most people I talked to encounters this topic. I definitely had numerous doubts and questions. Questions like “If there is a God, why is he so cruel?”, “I tried to live a righteous life, is this how I am repaid?”, “If everyone lends up like this, why live in the first place?”, “Where is God now?”, “What is the purpose of my life, then?”. These are just a small example of questions that often comes up and unfortunately, answers are not easily forthcoming.

I have gone through this difficult time, to the extend I almost fell into depression. Fortunately for me, I found some acceptable answers along the way.

If you have chosen conventional treatments, then physically you have to will yourself to withstand the onslaught of the treatments. Doctors will monitor your body functions to make sure medically your body can withstand the next treatment. Notice that I say “medically” because financially and more importantly emotionally, you may not want to continue.

Consider yourself lucky if you have some form of insurance coverage. This will remove one worry from your mind. If you have medical insurance, they will cover your hospital treatments. Hopefully, the coverage will be sufficient to cover total expenses. If you have critical illness insurance, then you are also covered for loss of income. This money will help tie you over during treatments. At least, you can get good rest at home to recover and not worry about money for yourself and family. If insurance is not available to you, find out if you qualify for Government assistance. Most countries have some form of such assistance. My advice to young people, please take up some form of insurance now. At least have a medical insurance (personal, not attached to a company) and if you can afford it, you should take up additional insurance for critical illnesses. You really can't imagine the feeling of relief when you encounter something like cancer and you know that financially you are covered in some ways.

Emotional state is a bit more difficult to manage. At the end of the day, you have to realize that it will be you who will have to go through the pain and trauma – no one else can take your place. The earlier you accept this predicament, the easier it is to address your emotional state. Family members and friends plays a significant role in helping to address your emotions. Their presence and helping hand are very important in this trying period. And allow them to help you. Even a simple thing like taking care of grocery shopping or walking the dog or clean up the kitchen all contributes to your healing. Even a simple text message or a simple call can lift up your spirit. The idea is to know that there are people who cares for you and thinks of you. Again, your primary care giver is very important. So important that I am dedicating a whole section to talk about it.

Regardless of your religious inclination, most of us will start to question the faith or lack of faith. I am no different.

I was raised as a Buddhist/Toaist and I do follow their philosophies but I also attended church service without much spiritual attachment. I guess I was trying to understand Christianity. During my third chemo, I started to ask myself “Why me?” “Why is God is so cruel?” type questions. I was already on the verge of depression and then I decided to pick up a book “What is the purpose of life” by Rick Warren. Certain sections of the book help me through 3rd and 4th chemo. I even went to the extend to believing that by accepting Christianity, I will breeze through chemo. Well, I was wrong. It did not get any better, in fact, it got worst. Spiritually, I was piss off and question the effectiveness of Christianity.

I was so wrong. I was limited by my understanding. Then I realised that I was weaken and broken not by the cancer but by man's answer to cancer treatment - chemotherapy and radiotherapy. But still I was not convinced. I was still spiritually broken. I tussled with this topic for a long while until towards the end of my chemo treatment.

I was given a book by a friend sometime back but I never opened it -
"The Shack" by William Young. This book help me understand about GOD. Since then, I started to pray daily and that weekend I went to church. I heard my name called in church during prayer and I was so touched. I also prayed silently to GOD and suddenly I felt a warm feeling rushed over me. Something stirring inside of me and the feeling told me that I was going to be ok.

This was my own experience. But I needed the boaster shot. I needed to be spiritually unbroken. Being in faith help me and made me stronger - perhaps not physically yet but mentally, I was more positive. I developed a belief that I was going to be fine.

What I am trying to say is that with cancer and cancer treatment which basically can destroy you physically and mentally, it is important to hold on to some faith. It will give you the extra ammunition to beat cancer.

I have to say here that this book may or may not agree with you but it has helped me to answer a lot of questions (not all) in my question about God and religion. It has helped me understand my own religious struggles with Buddhism and Christianity.

Go in with an open mind and it may also help you.

My short story...

Dec 2009 was a terrible time for me and my family. I had a few lumps behind my neck area for a few months. I did a blood test with cancer markers and they came back negative. I was really relieved with those results.

But a nagging feeling told me that all is not right and that I should see a specialist. I went to an ENT and he did a biopsy. It turned out to be cancer. I had no other symptoms except for the lumps. He immediately referred me a Hematologist. When the news hit, I thought to myself "It can't be happening to me". I am very careful with my food and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week. I do not smoke or drink. I keep to regular sleeping times. I shouldn't be having cancer. Besides I am only in late forties. I thought cancer only hit older people.

It took sometime for the news to sink in. Thank GOD my wife was with me and I called my best friend and he thought I was pulling a fast one on him (that is usual, we play pranks on one another).

The ENT also thought I caught it early so I should be okay. The Hematologist took a CTScan and bone marrow biopsy. I was still in the hospital and the worst news came. The cancer had spread to my abdomen. I had Stage 3 cancer. It was at that moment that my whole world collapse. My mind went blank. Fear just swept through me. To make the situation worst, my wife was not with me at that time - I was alone when the Hematologist told me the news (which he should not have).

Tons of things went through my head. My thoughts were really unusual. They were focused on my family. There were so many things I had not done or completed for my family. One of my biggest worry was was financial implications I had to quickly resolve.

My wife finally showed up at the hospital and I then told her the news. For the first time, I cried for myself. I held my wife for the longest time.

The Next Day
The Hematologist came and discussed options. Basically, there were none except one - Chemotherapy. Surgery and radiation was not on the table. And in his opinion I had to do 16 sessions over 8 months.

I have heard stories about chemotherapy but I didn't think much about it. I thought it cannot be as bad as people make it out to be.

I was readmitted into the hospital for a couple of days to put a Chemo port into my chest area for the Chemo. It was recommended since I had to do so many Chemo sessions and it will save my arm blood vessels.

I was still in pretty good positive spirits considering the bad news I had.

One Week Later
All this time, my mother was in and out of hospital and we decided not to tell her. A day before my first Chemo, the bad news came. My mum passed away.

Dealing with my own situation was bad enough but when my mum's passing came, I was totally in a daze. My days were like a dream state. So many things were happening all at the same time. My siblings were superb people, they took care of mum's arrangements and kept me out of it. Many people chipped in the help in whatever ways they could.

3 Chemos Later
I was able to cope with the first three chemos. When the forth one came, I became very ill. I started to vomit and feeling rotten in my stomach for days after the chemo session. It would take about 10days before I got back to some normalcy. Basically, I had 4 good days and then it starts all over again for 12 times.

As the chemo treatment went on, the after effects got worst and it took more time for me to recover.

After 8 long months.
It was a hellish time for me but with my wife, Prema as the primary care giver, friend's and family's support from all over the world, I managed to get through all the treatments and came out of victorious. Now, I have take special care so that the cancer will not relapse.

I have learn a lot from the experience and this is the reason for this book - To beat cancer in the first place. I will touch on several topics - diets, natural preventive foods, lifestyle regime, exercise, relaxation and spirituality. I hope what I share here will be of benefit to someone.

Thank you for reading.

Preface & Introduction

I am only writing this blog (book) now because I am now ready to write it. I have also kept a blog downthecancerroad.blogspot.com on my thoughts whilst going through Chemo and to keep my friends and family in touch with what I was going through physically and mentally. Downthecancerroad.blogspot.com blog served that purpose very well.

This blog is different. My intention for this blog is to share with people what I have learn about cancer, care-giving tips, keeping cancer-at-bay tips and my own research about cancer. I am not a medical professional but a victim. So I will be speaking from at victim's perspective. I intend to cover topics which often are not covered many cancer books like relationships, mental strength, spirituality and financial issues.

This blog will also cover some natural cures that I am personally using but they may not be scientifically proven. All blog post are my own thoughts and my experience and should not be considered a panacea for cancer. I am not promoting any cancer cures but I do suggest you check out some those I am using. There are some I have not used myself but I have read enough to have a belief that they may be good in preventing, arresting or even curing cancer.

If you accept with my beliefs, then use them, I am happy for you. If you do not, then discard them as nonsense. No harm done.

At this point of writing, am I out of the woods yet? No. My results have not come back but I feel positive that my own body has gotten rid of the cancer.